The Rich Kid Syndrome

This article is not necessarily about rich kids. In fact, many kids who fall prey to the “Rich Kid Syndrome” (RKS) are not rich; their parents may only have average to slightly above average incomes. Children who suffer from RKS believe that they are entitled to get whatever money can buy from their parents. These parents stint and save on necessities for themselves in order to lavish the lion’s share of their earnings on their beloved children and satisfy their desires.

For a wide variety of reasons, these parents, particularly those who have come from impoverished circumstances, take tremendous pride in their ability to buy things for their children. They seem to view their provision of material comfort for their children as the quintessential expression of their unconditional love. Their stance is also affirmed by the Asian culture in which the parents’ willingness to sacrifice their own needs for the good of their children is often glorified as the epitome of parental love.

Unfortunately, these children who are accustomed to these “acts of love” come to expect and take them for granted. Basically, they treat their parents like walking ATMs: they feel entitled to getting the money they need to purchase whatever they want, with nary a care of how hard their parents have had to work to earn the money. From their perspective, their parents are supposed to give them whatever they want; after all, their parents have brought them up to believe that this is the immutable fact of life. These children then grow up to become adolescents who crave brand-name clothes, the latest fashion and technological accessories, and even fancy holidays in overseas locations with their peers. Each of these cravings and adventures is graciously sponsored by their doting parents. Parents who fail to deliver on these requests face accusations of not loving their children adequately, especially in comparison to the parents of their peers.

The awful reality is that these children could never feel fulfilled, satisfied or grateful for their parents’ generosity. Rather, with the passage of time, they have cultivated insatiable appetites, a bottomless pit that could never be filled. Their parents discover only too late that they are running a losing race to satisfy their children’s seemingly endless cravings.

However, the nightmarish impact of RKS is not confined to the children’s attitude towards money; rather, its adverse effects extend to their moral character, which become painfully evident when they reach adulthood. Because these adults had not had to experience the hardships undergone by their parents to give them the lifestyle they enjoy, they have failed to strengthen and discipline their character. Lazy and dissipated at the core of their being, they celebrate reckless indulgence in lieu of hard work. They expect to enjoy the fruits without putting in the labour. Worse still, they indulge in the belief that they do not have to take responsibility for their own actions because their parents who love them so much will come to their rescue and bear the consequences on their behalf… until they are confronted with a rude awakening.

The reality is that life is paved with obstacles and challenges, which can either break us or motivate us to rise to the occasion. Each of us, armed with unique gifts and talents, is meant to undergo the rites of passage of life that will illuminate our strengths and highlight our weaknesses. How we learn to overcome these obstacles and realise our talents despite our weaknesses is part and parcel of the incredible journey of life. In order to take on life, we need to have the stamina and strength to rise to this challenge.

As parents, it is our responsibility and our obligation towards our children to cultivate and develop their stamina and strength for the rigorous journey of life. Handing them everything on a platter and sheltering them from the realities of life do nothing in preparing them for it. Instead, we should be imparting positive values such as the importance of hard work and discipline to our children.

What can parents do to encourage the development of the character of their children?

Apart from studying and participating in outside activities such as swimming, children, together with their parents, can do volunteer work in organisations of their interest. By contributing to these organisations, these children will get an inside look at the internal workings of real-world organisations and directly experience the effort required in the performance of various tasks.

When their children want to buy non-necessities, parents can support and encourage them to save their allowances, or earn money themselves by doing household tasks or engaging in entrepreneurial initiatives. Such diverse experiences enable children to “practise” how to live life under the guidance and protection of their parents. These “practices” pave the foundation for the children to grow up to become hardworking adults who are armed with rich life experiences and the initiative to take responsibility for their own lives.

Ultimately, most of us will not be spared from the tough lessons of life. What parents are unwilling or unable to teach their children, the real world and its representatives will. The only difference is that the latter will not always be teaching these lessons in the spirit of love. While we parents can never assume full control and responsibility for our children, we should at least be able to take comfort in the knowledge that we have done our utmost to equip our children for life. We would have raised our children with the right values, without deluding ourselves with the belief that the provision of material things could ever be a substitute for true parental love.

©Choo Kah Ying 2010. No portion of this article may be reproduced without author's permission.